Will has had what many would call ‘a normal life’. He grew up with mother and father and his little sister Poppy, five years younger. His father was an accountant, his mother a part time, teaching assistant in the local school. For all of Will’s life they have lived in the same house on a cul-de-sac in Brundall: a quiet Norfolk village. Life was unremarkable. Like a lot of kids Will liked Lego and comics and got on well enough at school, though his father always said he should have done better with mathematics.

They went on two family holidays a year and did lots of museum visits and walking together, which Will found difficult – but he didn’t complain, not as much as he’d have liked to anyway. One year he remembers it being a little different. He has a strong memory of going swimming in the river with his dad – playing catch with a ball, and his dad laughing, them both laughing. It wasn’t normal for his dad to have fun. Maybe that’s why it sticks in his head. Most of the time his dad was at work from 8.30 to 6 and mum cooked the tea. Except on Sundays, when his dad always made a roast dinner.

Will liked sports. He got into the school first 15 at rugby, and though he didn’t stand out, he was a team player, and it helped him feel included. He left school with eight decent GCSE’s and went on to A Levels – History, Sociology and Economics. He met his first girlfriend and together they lose their virginity at 17. With condoms of course. When Will turned 19, he went off to Leeds University to study Sociology. Here he learned about things he’d never thought about before: the politics of gender, social class, climate change, poverty, activism. He grew his hair longer and tried cannabis for the first time. He felt freer, set loose from the conventions and expectations of home. When he went home, he found himself getting into arguments with his father who, as far as Will was concerned, could not see his own privilege. None of them could.

After university he decided to stay on in Leeds to do a Masters’ degree. He felt more at home there. One day, in a bookshop, he met Naomi. She was planning to do her Masters’ too, in criminology. They hit it off instantly and begin to date. Things become serious very quickly and before he knew it, they were engaged. Then life changed quickly. Will graduated, got a job in social work, found a place to live, and found himself welcomed into Naomi’s family, friendlier, larger and more open than his own. Soon after Will and Naomi got married, Naomi fell pregnant. They were both 25 and had it all planned – they were going to share everything, so Naomi could go back to university. They would do everything right – a home birth, no dummies or disposable nappies, sharing the childcare. Will was a modern man and proud of it and would be a hands-on dad. His own father was old school, things were going to be different in Will’s world.

Except it didn’t really turn out like that. The birth was traumatic. Naomi lost a lot of blood and was whisked away to the emergency room. She nearly died – Will was beside himself with worry and unable to do anything except wait and fret outside. He didn’t know what to say or do and felt like he was just getting in the way. The baby was born by emergency C-section. Will remembers seeing her for the first time, scowling at him with a frown like he’d never seen as he held her. Naomi was exhausted. They call their daughter Rosie, but Will struggled to bond. Rosie cried a lot and Will found it hard to know what to do. Naomi’s family all got stuck in with the baby. They would go over every weekend, and everything was taken care of. Naomi became more detached from Will. To him it seemed like she and Rosie withdrew into their own little cocoon. It went on for months, until nothing felt the same anymore.

Will threw himself into work, getting promotion and taking on increasing responsibility. Original intentions were lost, and Naomi never actually went back to university. When Rosie was two, Henry was born. Naomi was insistent that she didn’t want an only child and Will didn’t argue; they hoped it would bring them back together. Birthdays and Christmases came and went, and Will worked ever harder. They had family time of course – usually at Naomi’s parents’ home, but Will felt increasingly out of place. Occasionally, to give Naomi a break, he would have the children on his own. But those were not his best days; never what he imagined. He didn’t seem to have the ‘touch’ that Naomi had with them. He’d rather be at work. At least he felt he was doing something useful there.

As Henry grew Will became concerned – he seemed shy and withdrawn. Naomi insisted there was nothing wrong. Both Rosie and Henry responded better to their mum, and she seemed so much more able to give and receive affection than Will did. Will took Rosie to ballet every Saturday, read a story to Henry, put them to bed sometimes, but inside Will was struggling to be a parent. And often, he found himself staying on at work a little later, offering to cover, to take on that extra job. The feeling of distance continued to grow. Will knew he wasn’t happy, he knew Naomi was struggling, but he didn’t know how to change things. He kept his head down, hoped things would eventually improve, when the kids got older, when they had a bit more money. Birthdays and Christmases came and went.

Then one day, out of the blue, when Rosie was 13, Naomi got a call from the school. A teacher had spotted some marks on Rosie’s arm and body when she was changing for the gym. Rosie confided in the teacher and told her that she had been self-harming. Will freaked out at this news; it came as a total shock and he and Naomi had a huge row. Will struggled to understand why Rosie would do such a thing and why Naomi hadn’t spotted it earlier. Will tries to keep things ‘normal’. He drives Rosie to ballet as usual but in the car, he tried to talk to her. He just wanted to understand. Rosie wouldn’t answer, he kept pushing until she turned on him suddenly ‘Oh so now there’s a bit of blood and suddenly you’re interested. Is that it!?’ Rosie slammed the car door and stormed away. Will was terrified. Hadn’t he done everything he could, hadn’t he provided everything they needed; hadn’t he been there? It was all too much for Will and he broke.